Dear God...

DragonFruit and I discussed the phenomenon of the Weigh-Down Diet the other day.

DragonFruit hadn't heard of the lovely Weigh-Down Diet.

If you look carefully on the cover, you'll notice that underneath the title, there's a cross. That should be your first clue.

The Weigh-Down Diet goes something like this:

Dieter: Lord, I'm hungry, and I really want that caramel apple. Please help me with all your divine power and glory not to eat that very tempting caramel apple.

DF & CW both say: WTF?!?! As if the Almighty didn't have better things to do.

If only Eve had had prayed the same prayer over *her* apple!

Seen Nearby: Yes, Virginia, That *IS* a Hat

No commentary required other than... Really?!?

Oh, Waitress!

DragonFruit and I had the worst waitress in all of history today. It's to the point where if we see her there working, both of us hesitate when the Walky Guy signals we can cross the street. She is honestly the most terrible waitress ever--I doubt she could even master the complexity of a McDonald's register, and would probably forget to ask if we wanted fries with that.

Today, Terrible Waitress' sins were the following.

1. We both asked for water. Only DragonFruit got any. Tsk tsk for not paying attention to the afterthought order of Water of Moral Obligation on the part of CoffeeWhore.
2. Only after I had drunk half of my coffee did she come over with cream and sugar. Tsk tsk for failing to notice that I drink my coffee black, always do, and tsk tsk tsk a million times over for overlooking the fact that I as a customer, might want the cream and sugar (even though I don't).
3. Bringing around a nearly-overflowing pitcher of the Water of Moral Obligation, Terrible Waitress sinned against conservation practices by pouring too much water into DragonFruit's glass, sloshing a wave of the precious stuff onto her (thankfully) almost-empty plate. DragonFruit says: "I guess I was done with that," looking mildly grossed-out by the lone potato swimming in a pool of water. Ew.
4. Terrible Waitress neglected to pick up the check until we waved it at her, brought me only ONE refill and generally only barely earned the $2 tip we afforded her.

Oh, Waitress! You are terrible! If this cafe weren't the best place in town to get brunch on the cheap, we would be asking for your schedule so that we could go elsewhere on the days that you work.

Terrible Waitress! Find another job! You were obviously not called to work the brunch crowd.

More Shoes for the Rack

Found these on the same website... The "Irregular Choice Women's Pleasure Island Pump":



For the love of PETE!!!!

What's even better is the text that describes them. Behold:

Stunning and original, the Pleasure Island from Irregular Choice offers a fashion vacation from the everyday bland, boring, and predictable. This one-of-a-kind pump features a bold, tri-color leather upper, with a mix of textures and tones to catch--and hold on to--attention. Dramatic and bold, this shoe also has a cuff accent with button trim, bow detail on the front, and an alluring open toe. And for a touch of fun, there's also a colorful robot-in-space print on the durable rubber sole.

• Leather upper
• Rubber sole
• Heel measures approximately 3"
• Made in China
• Item # B001AMU91M

Irregular by Name. Irregular by Nature. Irregular Choice is more than just the name of a brand. It's a state of mind, a way of being.

What does a girl have to do to get a decent looking pair of shoes on this website???

Agreed: These Are Shoes Deserving of Punishment

DragonFruit and I spent a good twenty minutes on the phone yesterday trying to decide which is the most tragic shoe on Endless.com, a horrible outlet for "designer" shoes.

This one won, hands down.



Note the subtleties of construction: the mirrored pebbling of the cuff, the fishnet detail on toe and heel, the lovely saddle-shoe construction that frames the cut out.

Truly spectacular!

Truly vomitous.

Only girls from New Jersey would wear these shoes. Or streetwalkers in L.A.

Thoughts, DragonFruit?

BrunchyBits, 15 October: The Water of Moral Obligation

• DragonFruit = Two Egg Breakfast (Over-Medium) + Extra Piece of Toast + The Water of Moral Obligation
• CoffeeWhore = Three-Cheese Omelette + Extra Fruit (no potatoes) + Coffee + The Water of Moral Obligation
• Plum Jam
• 3 cups of coffee for CoffeeWhore
• 1h 15min of delicious food and conversation
• Waitress = HS SoccerChick
  

San Liberal is in a massive drought right now, so much so that they won't even bring you water when you sit down to eat unless you ask for it. And then they bring you, as they say here in S.L. ginormous glasses of water, of which you must drink all, because otherwise it's a waste. We've been talking about this for a while, and finally settled on the notion that there is a moral obligation to drink all the water, because of the drought. And thus the notion of the Water of Moral Obligation was born.

It makes it feel kind of sacred.

BrunchyBits, 8 October: The Saga of the Chai Latte

• DragonFruit = Two Egg Breakfast + Aborted Chai Latte + Extra Slice of Toast
• CoffeeWhore = Two Egg Breakfast + No Potatoes + Extra Fruit
  
• Jam = PLUM!
• 2.5 Cups of Coffee Consumed by CoffeeWhore
• 1.5 hours spent in delicious convo

Both DragonFruit and CoffeeWhore were experiencing some stressful situations at Brunch on 8 October, so much of the conversation was taken up with personal stuff that doesn't belong on any blog... although few people actually obey that rule.

Funny, however, was DragonFruit's Chai Latte, made for us by The New Waitress, who informed us she was leaving to take a job with an environmental action group nearby... And it's a good thing, too, because she has no clue how to make a Chai Latte.

Usually, Chai Lattes look like, well, lattes. Pale brown, foamy, sweet to even observe. The New Waitress brought a Chai Latte to the table that looked precisely like a Guinness. Brown-red with foam on the top. We both recoiled at the sight of it, and New Waitress looked on, stupefied, wondering what she had done wrong. As it turns out, she had no idea of how to make a chai latte.

DragonFruit patiently waited until it was cool enough to sip, and promtly nearly gagged. New Waitress had simply taken concentrated chai mix and steamed it straight from the box. No milk, nada.

We tried to explain to her what she did wrong, and she looked mortified. Then she said "The thing is, I've made a couple of these this past week, and no one complained!" "Really?" "Yeah, they all said they loved it."

It just goes to show how faux-polite people in San Liberal can be, because we've seen chai lattes before, we've drunk chai lattes before, and, I'm sorry ma'am, but that was no chai latte.